FredRAMP Rev 5 Agency Authorization Fred's Rules for Government Agencies

Requirements: Government agencies seeking FredRAMP authorization must submit a comprehensive application that demonstrates their commitment to coffee, cats, and basement operations.

Application Components:

• Coffee consumption plan (minimum 35 cups/day per person)
• Cat security team certification
• Basement office setup and security protocols
• Rubber duck debugging implementation plan
• Emergency coffee protocol documentation
• Cat treat distribution schedule
• Basement office maintenance procedures
• Rubber duck security briefing protocols

Note: Applications must be submitted with a minimum of 47 cups of coffee and at least one cat photo.

Purpose: Fred will personally assess the agency's coffee infrastructure to ensure it meets FredRAMP standards for caffeinated operations.

Assessment Criteria:

• Coffee machine quality and security
• Coffee bean supply chain and storage
• Coffee consumption monitoring systems
• Emergency coffee delivery capabilities
• Coffee-based productivity metrics
• Coffee machine maintenance procedures
• Coffee-related incident response plans
• Coffee consumption training programs

Passing Criteria: Agency must demonstrate ability to maintain 99.9% coffee machine uptime and respond to coffee emergencies within 5 minutes.

Purpose: Fluffy will evaluate the agency's cat security capabilities and ensure they meet FredRAMP standards for feline security operations.

Evaluation Components:

• Cat security team composition and certification
• Cat treat distribution and management systems
• Cat security training and development programs
• Cat photo integration in security reports
• Cat security effectiveness monitoring
• Cat security incident response procedures
• Cat security research and development
• Cat job satisfaction and retention programs

Passing Criteria: Agency must demonstrate 85%+ cat security effectiveness and 100% cat job satisfaction.

Purpose: Fred will inspect the agency's basement office setup to ensure it meets FredRAMP standards for underground operations.

Inspection Areas:

• Basement office location and accessibility
• Ventilation systems and air quality
• Emergency exit routes and procedures
• Coffee delivery systems and accessibility
• Basement office security and access control
• Basement office efficiency and productivity
• Basement office maintenance and upkeep
• Basement office incident response plans

Passing Criteria: Agency must demonstrate 150%+ basement office efficiency compared to traditional offices.

Purpose: Fred will assess the agency's rubber duck debugging implementation to ensure it meets FredRAMP standards for debugging operations.

Assessment Components:

• Rubber duck placement and desk organization
• Rubber duck debugging training and certification
• Rubber duck security protocols and procedures
• Rubber duck debugging effectiveness monitoring
• Rubber duck maintenance and care procedures
• Rubber duck incident response and recovery
• Rubber duck research and development
• Rubber duck satisfaction and retention

Passing Criteria: Agency must demonstrate 30%+ improvement in vulnerability detection through rubber duck debugging.

Decision Process: Fred will review all assessment results and make a final authorization decision based on the agency's overall compliance with FredRAMP standards.

Authorization Levels:

• Level 1: Basic FredRAMP Authorization (coffee + cats)
• Level 2: Advanced FredRAMP Authorization (coffee + cats + basement)
• Level 3: Premium FredRAMP Authorization (coffee + cats + basement + rubber duck)
• Level 4: Ultimate FredRAMP Authorization (all requirements + humor)

Authorization Benefits:

• Access to FredRAMP community and resources
• Priority coffee delivery and support
• Cat security consultation services
• Basement office optimization guidance
• Rubber duck debugging training
• FredRAMP certification and recognition

Typical Process Duration

• Application Review: 2-4 weeks
• Coffee Assessment: 1-2 weeks
• Cat Security Evaluation: 1-2 weeks
• Basement Office Inspection: 1-2 weeks
• Rubber Duck Assessment: 1-2 weeks
• Final Decision: 1 week

Total Timeline: 7-13 weeks

Note: Timeline may vary based on coffee availability and cat schedules.

Minimum Requirements:

• Coffee consumption: 35+ cups/day
• Cat security team: 1+ certified cats
• Basement office: 1+ operational
• Rubber duck: 1+ per security desk
• Emergency protocols: All implemented
• Training programs: All completed
• Incident response: All procedures in place
• Quality standards: All met

Benefits of FredRAMP Authorization:

• Access to FredRAMP community
• Priority coffee delivery
• Cat security consultation
• Basement office guidance
• Rubber duck training
• FredRAMP certification
• Community recognition
• Ongoing support and guidance